Merry Christmas, Valve.
Small Update: I was asked for a little bit more information about the poem on Twitter. All I can say is it is about 30 minutes worth of effort and reflects what I would like to see in the newest update. Enjoy.
‘Twas the fortnight before Xmas and all through the land,
not a class had been updated, not even the rocket man.
The Scout slept peacefully with his double jump bat,
while Medic dreamed of owning a slightly more German hat.
The rest of the team were all snug in their beds,
but poor Engie, Soldier, and Demo sat alone with their dread.
“It’s been a long time since an update,” the Engineer declared.
Soldier grumped and shook his head, he knew they would not be spared.
Demo shrugged and took a swig of his precious scrumpy,
“Oi, all o’ thish waitin’ around ish makin’ me a wee bit jumpy.”
Just then the stomping of feet could be heard above them,
causing all three to bolt to the window in hopes of seeing Him.
The moon outside was bright as could be,
but even still there was no sign of reindeer or he.
Instead the front door was kicked in with a crash,
and through it walked a half naked man in an Australian hat.
With a grin shining under his manly moustache,
and fists on his hips looking ready to smash;
Saxton Hale shook his head and pointed and laughed.
“Sorry boys, on the way here I got caught by forty anacondas in an aircraft,”;
“So what’s left of your update is what I saved from their gut.”
With that, he tossed it to the man with the crew cut.
The Engineer looked over and saw,
it was yet another medal, pristine with awe.
“Wait a minute!” he yelled, furious at the sight,
“We already got these damned medals, an’ they caused a fight!”
Saxton Hale laughed and shook his head,
rolling his shoulders and cracking knuckles with dread.
“Enjoy your medal, blokes, ’cause its all you’re getting,
if you were hoping for more this Christmas, then get to quitting.”
“That ain’t fair!” exclaimed the Engineer.
“We’ve been waiting for damn near two years!”
“Piece of advice,” chuckled the big Australian before stepping through the door.
“Gabe Newell is the one who decides when you get more.”
“So stop with the twinkie jokes and the general ass-hattery,
because if you don’t, I’ll be back and arrested for assault and battery.”
“This feckin’ blows,” Demo said with a cringe.
“I dunno about you fellas, but–” Soldier fell to the floor, cut off by a syringe.
Medic frowned at the Texan and the Scot,
pointing down the hall to their bedroom lots.
“If anyvun is getting anyzhing, it vill be me..”
“I vant mein ‘Meet Zhe’ video, under zhe tree.”