Gamin' & Ramen all the time..

Merry Christmas, Valve.

Small Update: I was asked for a little bit more information about the poem on Twitter. All I can say is it is about 30 minutes worth of effort and reflects what I would like to see in the newest update. Enjoy.

———-

‘Twas the fortnight before Xmas and all through the land,
not a class had been updated, not even the rocket man.

The Scout slept peacefully with his double jump bat,
while Medic dreamed of owning a slightly more German hat.

The rest of the team were all snug in their beds,
but poor Engie, Soldier, and Demo sat alone with their dread.

“It’s been a long time since an update,” the Engineer declared.
Soldier grumped and shook his head, he knew they would not be spared.

Demo shrugged and took a swig of his precious scrumpy,
“Oi, all o’ thish waitin’ around ish makin’ me a wee bit jumpy.”

Just then the stomping of feet could be heard above them,
causing all three to bolt to the window in hopes of seeing Him.

The moon outside was bright as could be,
but even still there was no sign of reindeer or he.

Instead the front door was kicked in with a crash,
and through it walked a half naked man in an Australian hat.

With a grin shining under his manly moustache,
and fists on his hips looking ready to smash;

Saxton Hale shook his head and pointed and laughed.
“Sorry boys, on the way here I got caught by forty anacondas in an aircraft,”;

“So what’s left of your update is what I saved from their gut.”
With that, he tossed it to the man with the crew cut.

The Engineer looked over and saw,
it was yet another medal, pristine with awe.

“Wait a minute!” he yelled, furious at the sight,
“We already got these damned medals, an’ they caused a fight!”

Saxton Hale laughed and shook his head,
rolling his shoulders and cracking knuckles with dread.

“Enjoy your medal, blokes, ’cause its all you’re getting,
if you were hoping for more this Christmas, then get to quitting.”

“That ain’t fair!” exclaimed the Engineer.
“We’ve been waiting for damn near two years!”

“Piece of advice,” chuckled the big Australian before stepping through the door.
“Gabe Newell is the one who decides when you get more.”

“So stop with the twinkie jokes and the general ass-hattery,
because if you don’t, I’ll be back and arrested for assault and battery.”

“This feckin’ blows,” Demo said with a cringe.
“I dunno about you fellas, but–” Soldier fell to the floor, cut off by a syringe.

Medic frowned at the Texan and the Scot,
pointing down the hall to their bedroom lots.

“If anyvun is getting anyzhing, it vill be me..”
“I vant mein ‘Meet Zhe’ video, under zhe tree.”

Dragon Age: Origins Review
By: Ashley K. | November 5th, 2009

Dragon Age Origins Review

Dragon Age: Origins has been on the radar for quite some time now, with major sites like GameSpot and Kotaku raving about it just about every other day. In fact, you pretty much can’t go to any gaming related site without seeing glowing reviews for the game and its mechanics. But does the game really live up to all the hype major review sites would have you believe? My experiences with the game were far from glowing, which makes me wonder if this wasn’t another Kayne & Lynch scenario in which reviewers were paid off. Read on to find out why I feel this way.

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TF2 Trading System Speculation
By: Ashley K. | October 27th, 2009

TF2 Trading Preview

Valve has been teasing TF2 fans since the Spy vs. Sniper update back in May, when the first batch of hats were released. The current system of hat distribution is laughable at best, and many players of the game have spent countless hours idling away on their computers while they are at work or school, attempting to earn a hat. This has caused major controversy amongst the community, especially when Valve finally took a stance against Drunken Fool’s Idler program by removing all items gained from the idler and awarding players who didn’t use the idler with a halo.

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Victim of Poor Game Optimization
By: Ashley K. | October 16th, 2009
It looks decent for a game made in 2006, right? Good luck getting it to run.

It looks decent for a game made in 2006, right? Good luck getting it to run.

I’ve had a very shitty week. Storms came through earlier this week and knocked out power for about a day and a half, but that wasn’t the worst half. The worst half was not having internet access for a good four days. That’s what I get for living in Arkansas.

Anyhow, to occupy my time and keep from going crazy without access to the internet, I decided to install a game I picked up but never played due to what I thought was having a poor system. Granted, when I purchased Gothic III two years ago,  it was already a year old. My system wasn’t exactly shitty, but it wasn’t exactly great, either. I think at the time I was running a 256MB nVidia 7600GT card. Not horrible, by standards two years ago.

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TF2: The Engineer Update
By: Ashley K. | October 6th, 2009

The Engineer Update

Fans waste no time when it comes to projecting their ideas for the Team Fortress 2 class updates, and this Engineer update follows hot on the heels of the Guard Dog Update. While it’s quite obvious this one is a fake due to the inclusion of the KoTH Achievement Idle map, the ideas are quite interesting.

The mothership is a concept I’ve long wanted as an Engineer, as building and rebuilding when the team advances in long control point maps like Fastlane makes Engineering more of a job than fun. However, it seems our good ‘ol Texan didn’t learn from the Hindenburg disaster. Oh well.

To check out all four days of this awesome fan-made Engineer Update, click the picture.

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The Path Review
By: Ashley K. | September 30th, 2009

The Path Review

Disclaimer: Before you sit down to play the Path, you should take a look at the demo to see if the game is something you’d be interested in.

The game is a “game” in the most abstract sense that you have a world to explore. Other than that, there is no natural progression in which you can improve your characters, and no rewards for seemingly “doing things right.” The point of the Path is not to play to 100% completion, but to understand the thoughts and attitudes of the six individuals girls.

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Elven Legacy Trilogy Announced
By: Ashley K. | September 29th, 2009

Elven Legacy

Earlier today, publish Paradox Interactive made a press release concerning Elven Legacy, an independently developed tactical strategy game which plays out similar to the Total War games, minus the real time elements.

NEW YORK – September 29th 2009 – Great fictional moments come in threes. Now gaming has its own in the form of the Elven Legacy Trilogy, three epic expansion packs for the Fantasy Strategy title Elven Legacy from Paradox Interactive, releasing in October, November and December 2009.

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Aztaka Review
By: Ashley K. | September 27th, 2009

Aztaka Preview

It’s very rare that a true indie gem comes along and blows you out of the water with its innovative design, incredible art direction, and intuitive controls, but Aztaka has achieved this and so much more.

Features Overview

  • Manipulate spiritual energy to solve mysteries and vanquish foes
  • Enhance and customize your character by training skills and abilities, and acquiring ancient artifacts
  • Embark on optional side-quests to acquire valuable items and gold
  • Visit shops to buy and sell potions, rings, piercings and skills to aid in your travels
  • Challenging yet simple spell casting system
  • Twenty-one unique and detailed levels

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Weekend Deal Round Up
By: Ashley K. | September 25th, 2009

Weekend Game Deals

Digital distribution platforms have the advantage of being able to offer their customers deals in the hopes that a percentage of the price knocked off will entice the customer to buy. This business model has worked extremely well for Steam and Impulse, who are the leaders in Weekend Deals. Here’s what you can expect to find on digital distribution services around the net this weekend.

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Social Gaming

Now days, everything has the moniker “social” attached to it. Social media, social bookmarking, social browing, social, social, social. With the onset of Twitter and Facebook as popular platforms, many people are looking for ways to integrate their gaming lives into a network of friends as well. With so many social gaming network startups, it can be hard to determine which will come out on top, or which you’d even like using. Here’s a basic summary as well as features of four major gaming networks you may have seen on the web.

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